Back on track.

Well, i'm glad to report that everything's back to normal in my household, and my Mum's finally accepted the fact that i'm a raving Lesbian. Well, she hasn't really, but she's stopped being an utter twat about it for now. I'm leaving for London in 8 days, and to be honest with you i can't wait to be as far away as possible. This place actually depresses me alot more than it should. I'll be leaving so many bad memories behind, which i'm so glad about. I'll be leaving more good ones though, which i won't be too pleased about.

This week's been pretty eventful actually. I found out my best friend in the whole world is having a widdul baby! :) She's been trying for a while, and she's been with her boyfriend for 3 years now, so i knew it was going to happen sooner or later! It's stopping her from smoking weed, i'm pretty happy about this. A 20 bag a day is not a healthy addiction, especially when she doesn't have a job. It's lovely seeing her so happy though, even though she's on my back already about me coming home from London alot more than i was planning on doing. I'm going to be Godmother, and i actually can't wait.

Despite my good news, my insomnia's still hanging around. The reason for this? I don't even know, it's just being a twat. I just use my night times to think things through, like i've always done. I just think about random things & then i can't sleep! What do i think about? Just stupid shit like why the fuck my Mum doesn't get a boyfriend after 12 years of being single and get off my back, & why Kelsey had to tag me as 'the person you miss most' in one of them stupid pictures the day before she died. Oh, it's not stupid, i take that back. It is frustrating to live with though, i'm not goin' to lie! It's been a year next month since she's been gone, which means it's been a year since i've been completely sane, ha! Ah, next month is going to be too hard, & i'm going to have new people around me, who don't know how to handle me when i end up in my drunken states. Oh Lord. October will have to be an alcohol free month, or i'll just have to keep myself busy on the 28th. I might go to Birmingham and Coventry to see Lynds & Lo actually. :) YES, i will.

In other newwwwws, my twin cousins are goin' to Egypt tomorrow which means i'm not going to see them til Christmas! I'm pretty gutted about this, 'cause they've been there for me so much, while my mum's been being a right 'tard! They're only a year younger than me, so they're more like my best friends. They don't really get on much, so they fight for my attention, which i find quite amusing. Yes, i'm aware that my blog's just turned into my own personal diary, but i don't really care. My mum's being a room rooter at the minute, so i can't keep a diary or anything, this is a last resort. I transferred from Los Angeles, your school has no Gymnastics team, this is a last resort. Oh Dushku, you babe! (L)

8 days and counting. Lets hope the days go quickly now.

There's always one.

God, i'm on the metephorical blogging ball this week.
You know how people say there's always that one person who makes a knobber out of themselves? or how there's always one person in the family who brings them shame? well according to my knobbish know all Mother, that's me apparently.
I'm not really that arsed, i sort of know it's true anyway. She really hates the fact that i'm Gay, she can't take it, so she feels the need to throw endless amounts of abuse at me. Oh, actually she's just walked past my door & shouted, "FUCKING LET DOWNNN." Thanks Mum, that was lovely. :)
It's not just her who seems to think it though. Just the other day my older cousin said to me, "You should write a book about your life, it's never boring. It might be eventful for the wrong reasons, but it's still never boring." She then continued to tell me how i was the 'one' in the family who everyone was always talking about. It's not my fault i have rebellious ways. I'm 19; I'm itching to get out of this small town, & into the big world. Away from all the criticism & judgement.
Even though i've got a Cousin who's boyfriend's a drug dealer, and an 50 year old, alcoholic Uncle who's been on the dole for most of his life, she still seems to think i'm the worst one in the family. I think it's because i always get myself into stupid situations, and always manage to drag myself out everytime. My mum has the biggest mouth in the world, so it gets round the family sooner or later. I really couldn't understand why she thought i was so bad, so i carried on asking, to which she replied, "Beck, NOBODY in the family would ring their mum at 3 in the morning reading her the red dragon menu in a Chinese voice, just to piss her off, apart from you! You make me laugh, but you're a pain in the arse!" Well, i only did that one time, and it was only because she said she didn't want any prawn crackers, so i decided she'd like to hear what else was on the menu. I was only thinking of her!
I don't understand why my family seem to think i'm such a let down, when i'm going away to study for a degree in less than 3 weeks. Nobody else in my family has got that far yet, so i think they should take a nice long look in the mirror. They all just seem to think i'm a spoiled knobber. My uncle still writes 'Verruca Salt' on my birthday card every year. I think i'm going to start writing 'Ginger Bastard' on his.

It's the same with my Friends! There's always that one Friend that nobody can predict what the fuck they're going to do next. Yes, apparently that is also me.
When we went to Zante last year, i got banned from going out after i got us barred from a club on the first night. It weren't my fault i got thirsty! I climbed over the bar, and robbed shots for everyone. They were all happy at the time, until we got completely dragged off the bar, and i spent half of the night hiding under a table from a 17 stone Greek bouncer, anyway to cut a long story short, they left me off my tits, hugging a lampost in the middle of Laganas. I had too much fun finding my way back to the hotel, honestly. *Sarcasm*
They don't like to flaunt my knobbishness in my face as much as my family do though. They just say i'm the 'unpredictable' one. We all know what that means though.

I think i'm going to try and be a bit more mature. I know people like my sarcasm, but they might love my maturity. I don't know, i'll let you know how it goes anyway.

The Beatles are LOVE!

I know i always talk about The Beatles, but i've just rekindled my love for them today.
'She's leaving home' has always been my favourite song, i'm going to get all personal and start quoting lines now, just 'cause it's more relevant than ever right now..

She (We gave her most of our lives)
is leaving (Sacrificed most of our lives)
home (We gave her everything money could buy)
She's leaving home after living alone
For so many years. Bye, bye

She (What did we do that was wrong)
is having (We didn't know it was wrong)
fun (Fun is the one thing that money can't buy)
Something inside that was always denied
For so many years. Bye, bye

She's leaving home. Bye, bye!

Just gonna throw that out there.

Where art thou Lesbians?

Why is it that you spend all your days wondering where all the Gay girls are at, then suddenly you're being swarmed by so many girls? Where the actual fuck have you girls been hiding for the past 5 years? This is exactly what happened at pride. I can't remember all of my pride experience, i'm not going to lie to you. I know what did happen was good though. I was already completely frazzled before we stepped foot off the train. Jp had me drinking red wine & coke; blame him. He made me stop at bargain booze for 12 cans of Smirnoff mixers too! No wonder i was completely fucked.

I completely bailed on the guys i went with and joined Lauren's crew, they had no say in the matter. I never even intended on finding my people's again, that's how drunk i was!

Apparently i pulled 4 girls.. i can only remember kissing one lady, so it's a good job it's the one i wanted to kiss, even if it was in a toilet queue & i probably did make a holy show of myself. Oh, i'm a knob, i know. Leave me to it.

Jp seems to recall me getting off with a hot blonde in Baa bar! I can't remember this at all! Hot blonde, if you're out there, and you had a drunken Duff kissing your face off on the Saturday of Manchester pride, i'd like to hear more please. I've been told that i kissed a Shabby look alike too! I actually woke up believing i'd met Shabby, so that sort of makes sense to me. I sort of remember sitting on her knee, but then she tried to make me straddle her, & she weren't hot enough to be straddled, so i got up and went the bar.

I remember getting lost, for what seemed like hours, and i was probably driving poor Jenny insane, i stopped every 2 minutes to take my shoes off, or if they were already off, to put them back on. Anyway, the night ended in tragedy! I've been talking about this for a whole 9 days, but i spent a whole £90 on a taxi home. £90! I swear when i handed those unused notes over to that taxi driver, i handed a tiny piece of my heart over with them!

Apart from falling over, and being dived on by 20 odd butch girls trying to save me, 'cause i'm such a dosy bitch, the night was a success! It was a success, even though i was a failure, but i don't mind that!

It's completely the same in my so called 'town', there are so many people you just don't expect to be gay! The minute you come out, they all jump out in your face, like it's just been one huge suprise party all along, & you've just been kept in the dark about it. Some girl who was in the year below me messaged me today, just to ask me about my sexuality! I was slightly confused about what she wanted at first, until she decided she was going to tell me her coming out story. The things is, i didn't even know she was Gay, then she just popped up from nowhere after 3 years of not speaking to her expressing her gayness. I mean, i'm not complaining, i just would never of guessed she was gay. She was saying she'd never of guessed i was gay, well actually, she said that a few times, so i asked her why, and she said, "coz youre nice, funny, gorgeous and gay : girls like tha are definately hard to find hahahaa." Utter cheese, i know. Just a shame she's not my type. Awh, anyway, it's cute to see people still don't mind putting a bit of trust in me, even if i've never really spoken to them much before. I like that, it's niiiice. :)

Pushed out of the closet.

Do people ever get to come out to their loved ones in a civilized way?
Everyone sits and thinks about how they're going to tell their family they're gay, but do they ever get the chance to do it before someone else beats them to it?
I think everyone should have the right to tell people how they feel when it's the right time for them. I've haven't heard many good coming out stories. They're usually full of ooh's and ahh's. Mine definitely was.
I got completely outed over Facebook on Monday by some absolute knob of a guy & now my mum won't even look at me. He basically tagged my name in a post that told everyone i was gay. I only seen it an hour after it was posted, so some of my family had already seen it by the time i'd had chance to block them. It actually made me feel physically sick, to think that someone could be so heartless to do that, just for no reason.
It's like this guy has done everything possible to hurt me, when i've never done anything to him. Last year at Leeds festival, he basically ... while i was completely passed out. I'd drank way too much, and i had smoked so much weed, which makes me faint sometimes. I didn't even know anything had happened 'til i got home & he started bragging, saying things to people about how i went green, & started having a fit, so he had to steam his raybans up, then he left me in the tent on my own.
NICE ONE MATE! No wonder i'm fucking gay.
Oh, i'm angered, & i'm ranting. I'm over it anyway. Cunt.
Anyway, all i'm trying to say is, shouldn't people be able to come out when it suits them, instead of being pushed out by hypocritical bastards?
Nobody's going to read this hopefully, so i'm giving up.
Over & out gaylords.

Girl on Girl.

Is it just me or everytime you come out to someone, do you get a different reaction than expected?
Everytime i seem to tell a girl i'm gay, i expect them to think the worse. I expect them to get angry, & think i'm some sort of raging lesbian machine who wants to get into everyone's pants.
Luckily i've had the complete opposite reactions. One girl even tried to persuade me to sleep with her, 'cause she claimed she was 'unsure' of her sexuality! I shit you not.
I'm not complaining at all, i mean i love the ladies. It's just a bit strange when you're expecting a slap and you get a snog!
Even some of my closest friends have been able to persuade themselves that they just might be gay. Then they try to use me as some sort of drunken experiment.. Again, i'm not complaining, but it's a bit strange when your friends, the people you don't ever think about kissing EVER, start coming at you from all angles.
What does this mean? Could it just be that girls question their sexuality more easier than most men? Or is it just that all girls are gay at heart?
I'm going to hope for the the best and suggest that the latter of the questions is correct.
It would make the world a better place.
Ladies, come clean.

Pridepridepride.

These past 2 weeks have been amazing. We've had a free house every night; alcohol & weed taking over our systems; truth or dare more times than you could imagine; the police harrassing us more than they ever should; people deciding they're gay, when they blatently know they aren't. Anyway, all i'm trying to say is, it's been a messy one. Even messier than the girl from lady Gaga's - Dancing in the dark.
I've decided, i'm on a alcohol free 2 weeks (i don't know if it's an achievable goal, but i'll try my best) until Pride comes along & sweeps me off my feet. It's probably going to be one of my last events before i go to Uni 'cause i'm gonna be completely skint after it, but then again, i could just be an utter knob & open up another overdraft. :)

Manchester pride tickets are purchased.
My house will be freeee.
My palms will be crossed with silver.
My body will be highly intoxicated.
My Lungs & Liver will be getting abused.
My friends will be carrying me home.
& i can't actually wait for it. <3

Fuck me.

I've not blogged in quite a while; Over a week anyway.
I've been a busy lady, but i feel the need to write it all down, so this is probably going to be a long one, unless i get half way through and decide everything i've wrote is complete shit.
I just thought i'd start by saying how devostated i am to find that i have a massive 86 mutual friends with my mum on Facebook. I don't understand Facebook, i've got over 500 friends in common with my best friend; i didn't even think i knew 500 people. Bewildered Duff.
Today i spent my day doing sweet fuck all. I just mope round the house half naked, winding people up and making a mess. My mum, or Lynduff as i like to call her, barged into my room at around 12ish asking my why my bed weren't made. I explained to her that it was probably because i was still in it, and didn't plan on moving for a good few hours.
I went to watch Psychic Sally tonight in Southport; Lauren was right, she's bollox!
Alright, she would of been good if she'd of came to me, but she never, so she's shit.
One of my best friends actually died on the stage she was on tonight. Kelsey could of cartwheeled her way past her and she would of been totally oblivious. All she kept saying was, "Thomas, i've got a Thomas. A Thomas, he might not have passed over yet.." Well i know for a fact i have several Thomas' in my family. Several dead Thomas' too, so that's a load of shit Sally, you bullshitting bitch.
I was actually contemplating standing up and saying, "OIIIIII, what about me fatty?" But i assumed i'd get kicked out, and i weren't up for standing outside in the wind, so i just suffered in silence instead.
On the way home, my Gay aunty swore that one time she did psychic tea leaves and a picture of her childhood dog appeared in the cup. She also told me that my dad used to go to Gay bars. She actually chats so much shit, she's so gullible it's unbelievable. :')
We've started a new thing too. She's Gaynor, and i'm Lesley. It's pretty amusing when nobody knows what the fuuuuuuck we're on about. I enjoyed family time though, it was nice.
In other news, i came out to another one of my friends yesterday. She was telling me that Lydia, some random girl, thought i was 'fit', and we were talking about going to Manchester's Gay Village sometime this month. We're going on the 14th and i cannot actually wait to get out of Skelmersdale for a night. I just randomly came out with it anyway, "Oh, i'm not straight me you know!"
I think she already knew, 'cause she didn't seem suprised at all. I obsess about Lily Loveless on a daily basis, i don't think anyone could think i was straight to be quite honest.

Oooooooooh, i got a letter of Goldsmiths today. It was about my accommodation. Mhmmm, i've got the one i wanted, thank fuck for that. :) HELLO ENSUITE! Cannot be fucked with complete randomers throwing up in my bathroom all night long. Ahhh, hello debt.
Anyway, there's completely no point in what i'm writing now, i've changed the subject too many times. It's an effortless load of jibber jabber.
I'm going to stop being a wanker and come back when i've got something productive to write about.
Bye bye, Blog.

My Hero.

Ever since i was a young child, it's been drilled into me that Gay is wrong.
Gay is bad, and if you're Gay there's not really much hope for you.
My Mum would deny all of this, and say i'm being pathetic, but between my Mum, Dad and Grandad especially, i've not been taught that i can be who i want to be. I've basically been taught how to make everybody else happy, but i'm pretty sick of doing that.
Today i spent the day at my Aunty's house. I shouldn't really say Aunty - she's more like my Sister.
Since the day i was born, she's always wanted me as her daughter, she tells me often enough. She spent most of her teenage years babysitting me. We were glued at the hip and i loved it. :)
Sometimes i wish she was my Mum, i know how awful that must sound, and i do love my Mum, but things would be alot easier if it was the case.
She's completely and utterly gay you see; she's my hero.
I've already told her i'm gay. It was pretty hard to tell her, but i stuttered my way through it because i trust her with my life. Everytime i go round, we get back onto the conversation of how the fuck i'm going to tell my dad. It's simple really, i just don't tell him.
She loves asking me how i realised i was gay - she asks this one everytime without fail.
She says it with a smurk on her face, the type of smurk you'd have if someone pulled 10 packs of strawberry laces out of their pockets. Unfortunately i didn't have any laces, she actually just loves hearing about it, i don't know why.
There's really nothing to tell. I pretty much fell in love with my best friend, then i kissed a girl and i liked it.
Her Girlfriend cest tres butch. It's cute.
They're so happy and i've never seen anything so normal in all my life. They're best friends, lovers, and everything more. I don't see how people can judge such a happy pair? Sometimes people get carried away, making Lesbians sound like diseased monsters, who're out to fuck everything and everyone up. This annoys me a hell of a lot!
I love their company so much, partly because they find me hilairious, they laugh at everything i say, which means i'm always welcome. Also partly because i can just be everything i want to be around them and they'd accept it. I could probably smother their brand new carpets that they keep ranting on about, in horse shit, and they would still continue to smile at me.
They live in a typical semi detached house, drive a typical family car, work like everyone else and have 6 extremely happy and beautiful children between them, so whats all the fuss about? There's actually fuck all to fuss about.
I'm so proud to have her as an Aunty. She's so fucking cool! She's always trying to get me drunk, and constantly shoving fags in my mouth!
All i can say is, if my life ends up as good as hers, and i end up half as happy as she is, i'll be pretty fucking content with my life.
:)

Flop your Gaydar out.

There's only one person in the world who has tracked me down good and propper.
Shanice's mum. Fuck knows she knew this, she must have one crackin' Gaydar on her, because i i act pretty damn straight to be honest with you.
Apart from the occasional knuckle crack, and manly yawn, i'm just your average straight looking girl, or am i?
Of course i'm fucking not, i'm much more than that. :)

Shanice's mum calls me the Lesbian. The first time she ever seen me was when i was hungover to death, wearing a pair of man sized Adidas Basketball shorts and a top that was at least twelve times too big, stumbling out of the house in bare feet and rolling into my boy racer car, to attempt the drive home still completely boshed. I've recieved the nicknames, Lezzer, Lesley, and Lezbomb ever since. For instance, the other day when i woke up, all i heard when i was half way down the stairs, is "What're you and the Lezbomb having for Breakfast, cheese toasties, yeah? I'll do it, you make the drinks."
At least they feed me, i mean i'm not complaining.. it doesn't bother me. Out of all the people in the world though, Shanice's mum is the first to ever suss me out good'n'propper. :) She truthfully is onto me, it's scary.

Butch tendencies: Baggy grey joggers; Biker tops; Eating habits; Gymming alot; Driving like a man; Drinking like a man; Being as sarcastic as a man; Being one of the boys; Sitting like a man; Gawping like a man; Walking like a man; Quad biking; Kickboxing; Football much?

Femme tendencies: Painting of the nails; Girly summer dresses; Sweet things; Jewellry; Perfume; Hair; Makes up; Having boobs; Too many items of clothing; Far too many pairs of shoes and bags; Underwear obsession; Making a biiiiiit of an effort; Being good at cuddles and kisses.

That's just a few examples. :') I'm extra extra glad i'm a lady though. I'm pretty vile sometimes, it's fun though.
Anyways, fuck know's how she knows.. Brenda Gaskell, i salute you woman.

My Dad

has just called and demanded a lift home. I laughed, and put the phone down. It's a Sunday night. He's probably been where i should be; Jumpin' Jacks nightclub. It wouldn't suprise me. Him and his wife like to take advantage of the £10 free bar and then whack the Champagne on ice for afterwards, classy. It drives me mad when i have to scrape round for money towards the end of the month just to fund my car's 1Litre engine, when those two might aswell be driving down the M6 with the roof down throwing money about, reinacting The Crystal Maze.
If you ever met my Dad, you'd laugh. You want reasons? I'll give you reasons. Actually, i'll give you a lengthy list:
1) He actually thinks he's 20.
2) The man wears Evisu jeans, Prada, Hugo Boss and owns far too much aftershave.
3) He drives a Range Rover Sport with blacked out windows
4) He's had his teeth whitened, HI SIMON.
5) Honestly, he is known by everyman and his dog!
6) He Owns a restaurant; even though he can barely make toast.
7) He has a canal side house, and a Barbie wife 12 years his junior, who has had several unsuccessful nose jobs. She still has a nose that looks like it's from the Middle-East, either that or it's been shaped with a T-square.
8) He thinks he's in a real life game of Monopoly. I wish i had that many houses.
9) All his music is pretty decent, it's laughable because it's strange.
10) He's 44 and has a 4 year old, urgh.
I'm not going to make him sound like an utter twat, i mean, he's a good Dad. I've got the biggest bed you've ever seen and he got me a balcony built onto my bedroom. I'm entirely thankful, true story. It comes in handy for a midnight cigarette anyway.
He leads about twelve lives, but i can't help but look upto him. I doubt i'm ever going to be as successful as my Dad, but i can always try.
He hates everything i do at the minute, it's funny. "Why're you getting tattoo's Beck?" Urr, because i fucking want them!
"Urghh, tongue piercings! You Lesbian!" No shit Sherlock! It only took you 18 years and 10 months to click on? Wow, you're fast!
I love him though, he's my Daddy. He's a bellend sometimes, but he's a banterous bastard. He traditionally makes me a Sausage sandwich every Sunday morning and makes me rate it out of 10. He's never gotten one ten to date, but still he strives on hoping for the day a 10 will eventually come; bless his soul.
He introduced me to Football, and we have an obsession with Cars and Technology. I actually love Cars too much, but i'm sure the man loves his iPhone more than he loves me sometimes.
Yup, i'm a Daddy's girl. It's true.
It's wierd though; i don't even live with him.

Dearest Gok-wan,

to be quite honest i don't really have a problem with you, but you need to know you're pretty fucking shit.
I mean come on, what skint student can afford a t-shirt that costs £105? I know it's Paul bastarding Smith, but you're meant to be showing us what we can afford, not driving us into temptation with our freshly opened, untouched overdrafts.
You're actually overly annoying when you do that shit highstreet comparison thing and still end up with a mega unaffordable outfit. £275 for an outfit, fuck me, i hope that includes the price of Underwear, and preferably new skin. I think you need to take a leaf out of Duff's book and get customizing and what not.
I actually think i'd be sweet as a nut at doing a programme like that. Fashion fix my arse, I'd do alot better than El Gokko. If it's one thing i know, it's fashion. I don't know much more, but i'm working on it.
That is all. My Gok-rant is over.

Today

it was agreed by a group of my very best male friends that i am indeed, one of the boys.
This is a giant compliment to be honest with you.
It suddenly dawned on them whilst they were indulging in heavy conversation about Liverpool Football Club. I butted in about how Gary McCallister's screamer from the half way line waaay back in 2004 was utterly magic, and that a Henchoz and Hypiaa reinactment is needed at Anfield as soon as possible. They then congratulated me on my Football knowledge and suggested i try to follow in Georgie Thompson's footsteps.
I FUCKING WISH. She is actually Gorgeous. I told them that too, they then congratulated me on my choice in Women, it was epic.
I mean, i know i've always been 'one of the boys', but i feel like the future's bright now that it's finally been confirmed. I am one of the selected few girls that can actually be as crude and whitty as a boy. Well done me! I knew my sarcasm would come in handy one day.
I've obviously been blessed with some sense of humour; god knows how.
My Mum laughs at her own home made jokes, and my Dad.. well he's just not funny, although he likes to think he is, i'll never admit it, never, ever. Well he is quite funny actually, but only in a 'look at me, i think i'm 20!' way.
When i was a young'un, you could find me playing Army in the bushes, building many dens, tree houses, rope swings ect, and playing a game called 'pully' on my local dual-carriageway. My Dad influenced this all, fuck knows how because he didn't even live with me. He would just pick me up and take me to Liverpool matches twice a week, then drop me at home. There is no better feeling than the fresh air, sparkling floodlights and mid-match banter at Anfield. No wonder i'm good at being boyish, i spent half of my childhood taking the piss out of the skipping linesman to make my Dad and his friends laugh. It worked though, i got free tickets for years; he even took me to Cardiff twice, so i must of been a fun child. I had a scout come to watch me play football when i was 13 and he got me trials for Wigan AFC, my Mum actually bribed me out of it, pretty gutted i listened to her now. If it weren't for the long Blonde locks that stretched down my back, i'm sure my Father would have been overly game for changing my name to Bruce, however my Mother would be far from approval. If you looked at me now, you would think there was nil truth to this. I'm as girly as a girl can be. I'm just not one of them bitchy girls, i'm good with banter and know how to take a joke; thank the lord.
Anyway, it's been decided and announced. I'm one of the boys. I hope it doesn't change my life too much, ha!

I'm pretty pissed but

i thought i'd write a blog that i can regret in the morning. The only problem is, it is morning. 8.09am to be precise.
Tonight i've been to Liverpool, it was quite the enjoyable experience to tell you the truth.
I'm watching Sugar rush in my bedroom.
Today, when i wake up, i'm going to ring into work sick, then go to Wigan and get a tattoo.
Tattoo's and piercings are pretty addictive; i like them too much.
I was meant to get another Tattoo today, but i wrecked my best friends top when she was putting my hair dye on, so i had to fork out for another top for her, being the good bitch that i am.
I'm pretty much in love with Bombay Bicycle Club, it's true.
I've been running round my friends uni flat with many a tune on my Iphone, waving sounds from their album in Knowles' face whilst he tells me i have no future and i need to fuck right off.
People were nice tonight, i liked it. It was a night full of compliments to be quite honest. Complimentary nights are a rarety, you'd know that if you met my friends.
We call it friendship, but we're basically banterous bastards who take the piss out of every (wo)man and their family. It's love.
I went on a mission tonight, for Cigs. I met an Irish dude with bleeding knuckles, he led me to a shop and then bought a Cig off me for £2.70, i didn't want to take it, i suggested he used it to invest in a first aid kit, but he insisted. Thinking about it now, he could of asked to lend 30p and got his own pack of bines, surely!
I kept getting lost tonight. At one point i indulged in heavy conversation with a guy from Chester whilst having a Cigarette, i didn't really want to talk to him, but i was outside texting, once again, and he plonked himself next to me on a rock. He told me i was beautiful, and he liked my dress, then i told him that his hair needed washing, badly. That's students for you. :)
Sentence of the night was, "Duffey, if you don't get off that phone, i'm going to shove it up your arse and make your Mother suck it out!"
My friends are vile but i love them.
There was absolutely no point at all in writing this, but who gives a fuck. Moi? non.

I am the Music man, i come from down your way.

I'm pretty much Music mad, i always have been since a really young age. I really don't know what i'd do, and where i'd be without it. Music is one of the only things i'm good at, it's pulled me through life, yay.
My musical taste ranges from Classical to Dubstep. I can honestly say i'm a lover of all music - well i like to give every song a chance anyway.
I love music that's inspired by the 80's. Ladyhawke never fails to put me in a good mood. Pink Floyd and David Bowie deserve many Golden medals.
Tracy Chapman dragged me through the hard times of Childhood. Yeah, i was a pretty mature child. I was too mature for my age anyway.
I really love a band called Squeeze, they formed in the late 70's and continued playing and making songs until the 90's. They're touring again now though so if i manage to get my hands on a couple of tickets i'm sure i might just wee myself with excitement.
I love The Beatles more than life itself, they actually are my Gods, no word of a lie.
Paul McCartney pisses me off a bit though, i think him and his limbless ex need to move somewhere far far away, but just leave his old music for me to dream about please.
I loved The Prodigy when i was younger too - i still love them now. I remember stomping round my Nan's livingroom to 'Smack my bitch up' when i was about 10. God knows why my Nan was listening to The Prodigy, slightly worrying with it being that song too!
I seen The Prodigy in the Summer at Leeds festival. They were amazing. You can't really get better than dancing round a field in a pair of Pink wellington boots, with a spliff in one hand, and a pint of Cider in the other. Nothing really comes close to that i'm afraid.
Florence and the Machine can actually sex me up anyday. Well her voice can, maybe not her face. Her vocal skillssss are a dream, she was at Leeds too, she's one of the main reasons i went actually.
La Roux's pretty decent too. She's starting to bore me slightly, her remixes with heaven 17 are talented though. I think Ellie Goulding's stolen her spotlight a little bit. She was really good at Leeds though, what i can remember anyway. By the time La Roux hit the stage i'd been on approximately 8 sets of shoulders and could barely stand up due to the amount of Weed and Cider i thought it would be clever to consume. Naughty Beck.
One time i was listening to Crystal Castles in my car and my friend thought there was something wrong with the CD. She actually took out the disk and began cleaning it, the strange girl. That just goes to show how mainstream and boring the music is in Skelmersdale, unless you're part of our wierd and wonderful group.
Mumford and Sons, 2 Door Cinema Club, The Temper Trap, Killa Kela, Bombay Bicycle Club, Passion Pit & Paramore are all on this years 'to do' list. I'll let you know how it goes!

Life or Death.

I don't know why, but i'm always left asking the same question - What happens to us when we die?

Don't get me wrong, it's only a recent thing, i haven't always though about it. I suppose it's just since Kelsey, a really close friend of mine, died in October; it was so sudden that it made me realise i could lose anybody at any second.

I'm so intrigued to know what happens after death. Surely that can't be it. We can't just close our eyes and that's it, we're gone forever.

Scientists have proven that energy can never be destroyed, if this is the case, surely the energy we are made up of can't just fade away. Surely it will be reincarnated into another creature!

My best friend has another theory. She likes to believe that we're all just in the ground waiting for the day when everyone is going to rise again. What about people who've been cremated though? They're pretty fucked aren't they.

I'm not really scared of anything, but death really does shake me, especially thinking about it at such a young age, urgh.

Everyone's got to live and die, so i suppose i'll get to see what happens eventually.

I'll just stay here for now though, please.

Thanks.

Introduction of a dosser.

I'm currently sitting here admiring the talent of Bombay Bicycle Club.

I wish i was listening to Two Door Cinema Club, but i can't be arsed walking to my car.

Always like this is an absolute tune; Whoever says otherwise needs to chop off their testicles/ovaries, depending what sex you are of course. You may even be blessed enough to have both. In this case, you'll have a painful experience and a hell of a lot of chopping to do.

Fuck knows why i've decided writing a Blog is a good idea. Nobody's going to read it, apart from me and I don't really do much to talk about.

Don't get me wrong, i'm all for trying new things and going to new places, but i live in Skelmersdale; it's actually the shittest place in the world, it's truly challenged in the entertainment area. Our local shopping centre (Yes, we only have one) consists of chavvy teenage Mothers blasting the most unlistenable music you've ever heard, so bad it sounds like a recording of their child being tortured, just with a backing beat, out of their delightfully tacky Walkman phones. They think it's in 'the norm' to go shopping in their Pj's and fake slanted soled Ugg boots, browsing poundland for a cheap version of Cow & Gate so they can go and swap their Milk tokens for a bag of weed and a few king size skins. It's a true story.

It's the reason i don't spend much time here. We do have a few good fields to do fuck all in though, and a few good hills to watch sunsets on. Sunsets are my favourite.

I try to do new things, but as of the late i've sort of fallen into a routine. I go out, i get sloshed/i have a spliff, i come home. It's all gravy. Messy gravy.

You're probably thinking i'm a contradictive bitch, the difference between me and those girls are the 3 p's. Pj's, Pregnancy and Pissing off.

I sleep naked, i've never been pregnant, and pissing off is what i intend to do in the beautiful month of September.

Why do they actually call it September when it's not even the 7th month?.. I just Googled it.

I do work, not alot though. I fucking hate my job.

I used to like it, it's decent pay though but times'a'changin'.. for instance i've recently admitted to myself that i am a big fat fucking Lesbian. World War 3 went on in my head for nearly 3 years, i've always known i was different, but i just didn't want to admit how different i suppose. I'm not arsed, i'm happy, if other people aren't then they can go and suck their own ego's off. There's nothing i can really do to change how i am, and i don't think i would even if i could. I see it as a gift.

The gift of loving women. Women are the epitomy of beautiful. They're considerate, kind, and delicate, also they have the most amazing bodies on this Earth. Oh, i'm so glad i'm female.

Men on the other hand are inconsiderate bastards, well the majority of them anyway, including my Dad from time to time.

For the first time in years i'm actually happy, apart from the fact that i got a £30 fine for driving in a bus lane today, English bastard driving system. Apart from that though, i'm content as a fat twat with a multipack of Walkers.