Back on track.

Well, i'm glad to report that everything's back to normal in my household, and my Mum's finally accepted the fact that i'm a raving Lesbian. Well, she hasn't really, but she's stopped being an utter twat about it for now. I'm leaving for London in 8 days, and to be honest with you i can't wait to be as far away as possible. This place actually depresses me alot more than it should. I'll be leaving so many bad memories behind, which i'm so glad about. I'll be leaving more good ones though, which i won't be too pleased about.

This week's been pretty eventful actually. I found out my best friend in the whole world is having a widdul baby! :) She's been trying for a while, and she's been with her boyfriend for 3 years now, so i knew it was going to happen sooner or later! It's stopping her from smoking weed, i'm pretty happy about this. A 20 bag a day is not a healthy addiction, especially when she doesn't have a job. It's lovely seeing her so happy though, even though she's on my back already about me coming home from London alot more than i was planning on doing. I'm going to be Godmother, and i actually can't wait.

Despite my good news, my insomnia's still hanging around. The reason for this? I don't even know, it's just being a twat. I just use my night times to think things through, like i've always done. I just think about random things & then i can't sleep! What do i think about? Just stupid shit like why the fuck my Mum doesn't get a boyfriend after 12 years of being single and get off my back, & why Kelsey had to tag me as 'the person you miss most' in one of them stupid pictures the day before she died. Oh, it's not stupid, i take that back. It is frustrating to live with though, i'm not goin' to lie! It's been a year next month since she's been gone, which means it's been a year since i've been completely sane, ha! Ah, next month is going to be too hard, & i'm going to have new people around me, who don't know how to handle me when i end up in my drunken states. Oh Lord. October will have to be an alcohol free month, or i'll just have to keep myself busy on the 28th. I might go to Birmingham and Coventry to see Lynds & Lo actually. :) YES, i will.

In other newwwwws, my twin cousins are goin' to Egypt tomorrow which means i'm not going to see them til Christmas! I'm pretty gutted about this, 'cause they've been there for me so much, while my mum's been being a right 'tard! They're only a year younger than me, so they're more like my best friends. They don't really get on much, so they fight for my attention, which i find quite amusing. Yes, i'm aware that my blog's just turned into my own personal diary, but i don't really care. My mum's being a room rooter at the minute, so i can't keep a diary or anything, this is a last resort. I transferred from Los Angeles, your school has no Gymnastics team, this is a last resort. Oh Dushku, you babe! (L)

8 days and counting. Lets hope the days go quickly now.

There's always one.

God, i'm on the metephorical blogging ball this week.
You know how people say there's always that one person who makes a knobber out of themselves? or how there's always one person in the family who brings them shame? well according to my knobbish know all Mother, that's me apparently.
I'm not really that arsed, i sort of know it's true anyway. She really hates the fact that i'm Gay, she can't take it, so she feels the need to throw endless amounts of abuse at me. Oh, actually she's just walked past my door & shouted, "FUCKING LET DOWNNN." Thanks Mum, that was lovely. :)
It's not just her who seems to think it though. Just the other day my older cousin said to me, "You should write a book about your life, it's never boring. It might be eventful for the wrong reasons, but it's still never boring." She then continued to tell me how i was the 'one' in the family who everyone was always talking about. It's not my fault i have rebellious ways. I'm 19; I'm itching to get out of this small town, & into the big world. Away from all the criticism & judgement.
Even though i've got a Cousin who's boyfriend's a drug dealer, and an 50 year old, alcoholic Uncle who's been on the dole for most of his life, she still seems to think i'm the worst one in the family. I think it's because i always get myself into stupid situations, and always manage to drag myself out everytime. My mum has the biggest mouth in the world, so it gets round the family sooner or later. I really couldn't understand why she thought i was so bad, so i carried on asking, to which she replied, "Beck, NOBODY in the family would ring their mum at 3 in the morning reading her the red dragon menu in a Chinese voice, just to piss her off, apart from you! You make me laugh, but you're a pain in the arse!" Well, i only did that one time, and it was only because she said she didn't want any prawn crackers, so i decided she'd like to hear what else was on the menu. I was only thinking of her!
I don't understand why my family seem to think i'm such a let down, when i'm going away to study for a degree in less than 3 weeks. Nobody else in my family has got that far yet, so i think they should take a nice long look in the mirror. They all just seem to think i'm a spoiled knobber. My uncle still writes 'Verruca Salt' on my birthday card every year. I think i'm going to start writing 'Ginger Bastard' on his.

It's the same with my Friends! There's always that one Friend that nobody can predict what the fuck they're going to do next. Yes, apparently that is also me.
When we went to Zante last year, i got banned from going out after i got us barred from a club on the first night. It weren't my fault i got thirsty! I climbed over the bar, and robbed shots for everyone. They were all happy at the time, until we got completely dragged off the bar, and i spent half of the night hiding under a table from a 17 stone Greek bouncer, anyway to cut a long story short, they left me off my tits, hugging a lampost in the middle of Laganas. I had too much fun finding my way back to the hotel, honestly. *Sarcasm*
They don't like to flaunt my knobbishness in my face as much as my family do though. They just say i'm the 'unpredictable' one. We all know what that means though.

I think i'm going to try and be a bit more mature. I know people like my sarcasm, but they might love my maturity. I don't know, i'll let you know how it goes anyway.

The Beatles are LOVE!

I know i always talk about The Beatles, but i've just rekindled my love for them today.
'She's leaving home' has always been my favourite song, i'm going to get all personal and start quoting lines now, just 'cause it's more relevant than ever right now..

She (We gave her most of our lives)
is leaving (Sacrificed most of our lives)
home (We gave her everything money could buy)
She's leaving home after living alone
For so many years. Bye, bye

She (What did we do that was wrong)
is having (We didn't know it was wrong)
fun (Fun is the one thing that money can't buy)
Something inside that was always denied
For so many years. Bye, bye

She's leaving home. Bye, bye!

Just gonna throw that out there.

Where art thou Lesbians?

Why is it that you spend all your days wondering where all the Gay girls are at, then suddenly you're being swarmed by so many girls? Where the actual fuck have you girls been hiding for the past 5 years? This is exactly what happened at pride. I can't remember all of my pride experience, i'm not going to lie to you. I know what did happen was good though. I was already completely frazzled before we stepped foot off the train. Jp had me drinking red wine & coke; blame him. He made me stop at bargain booze for 12 cans of Smirnoff mixers too! No wonder i was completely fucked.

I completely bailed on the guys i went with and joined Lauren's crew, they had no say in the matter. I never even intended on finding my people's again, that's how drunk i was!

Apparently i pulled 4 girls.. i can only remember kissing one lady, so it's a good job it's the one i wanted to kiss, even if it was in a toilet queue & i probably did make a holy show of myself. Oh, i'm a knob, i know. Leave me to it.

Jp seems to recall me getting off with a hot blonde in Baa bar! I can't remember this at all! Hot blonde, if you're out there, and you had a drunken Duff kissing your face off on the Saturday of Manchester pride, i'd like to hear more please. I've been told that i kissed a Shabby look alike too! I actually woke up believing i'd met Shabby, so that sort of makes sense to me. I sort of remember sitting on her knee, but then she tried to make me straddle her, & she weren't hot enough to be straddled, so i got up and went the bar.

I remember getting lost, for what seemed like hours, and i was probably driving poor Jenny insane, i stopped every 2 minutes to take my shoes off, or if they were already off, to put them back on. Anyway, the night ended in tragedy! I've been talking about this for a whole 9 days, but i spent a whole £90 on a taxi home. £90! I swear when i handed those unused notes over to that taxi driver, i handed a tiny piece of my heart over with them!

Apart from falling over, and being dived on by 20 odd butch girls trying to save me, 'cause i'm such a dosy bitch, the night was a success! It was a success, even though i was a failure, but i don't mind that!

It's completely the same in my so called 'town', there are so many people you just don't expect to be gay! The minute you come out, they all jump out in your face, like it's just been one huge suprise party all along, & you've just been kept in the dark about it. Some girl who was in the year below me messaged me today, just to ask me about my sexuality! I was slightly confused about what she wanted at first, until she decided she was going to tell me her coming out story. The things is, i didn't even know she was Gay, then she just popped up from nowhere after 3 years of not speaking to her expressing her gayness. I mean, i'm not complaining, i just would never of guessed she was gay. She was saying she'd never of guessed i was gay, well actually, she said that a few times, so i asked her why, and she said, "coz youre nice, funny, gorgeous and gay : girls like tha are definately hard to find hahahaa." Utter cheese, i know. Just a shame she's not my type. Awh, anyway, it's cute to see people still don't mind putting a bit of trust in me, even if i've never really spoken to them much before. I like that, it's niiiice. :)

Pushed out of the closet.

Do people ever get to come out to their loved ones in a civilized way?
Everyone sits and thinks about how they're going to tell their family they're gay, but do they ever get the chance to do it before someone else beats them to it?
I think everyone should have the right to tell people how they feel when it's the right time for them. I've haven't heard many good coming out stories. They're usually full of ooh's and ahh's. Mine definitely was.
I got completely outed over Facebook on Monday by some absolute knob of a guy & now my mum won't even look at me. He basically tagged my name in a post that told everyone i was gay. I only seen it an hour after it was posted, so some of my family had already seen it by the time i'd had chance to block them. It actually made me feel physically sick, to think that someone could be so heartless to do that, just for no reason.
It's like this guy has done everything possible to hurt me, when i've never done anything to him. Last year at Leeds festival, he basically ... while i was completely passed out. I'd drank way too much, and i had smoked so much weed, which makes me faint sometimes. I didn't even know anything had happened 'til i got home & he started bragging, saying things to people about how i went green, & started having a fit, so he had to steam his raybans up, then he left me in the tent on my own.
NICE ONE MATE! No wonder i'm fucking gay.
Oh, i'm angered, & i'm ranting. I'm over it anyway. Cunt.
Anyway, all i'm trying to say is, shouldn't people be able to come out when it suits them, instead of being pushed out by hypocritical bastards?
Nobody's going to read this hopefully, so i'm giving up.
Over & out gaylords.

Girl on Girl.

Is it just me or everytime you come out to someone, do you get a different reaction than expected?
Everytime i seem to tell a girl i'm gay, i expect them to think the worse. I expect them to get angry, & think i'm some sort of raging lesbian machine who wants to get into everyone's pants.
Luckily i've had the complete opposite reactions. One girl even tried to persuade me to sleep with her, 'cause she claimed she was 'unsure' of her sexuality! I shit you not.
I'm not complaining at all, i mean i love the ladies. It's just a bit strange when you're expecting a slap and you get a snog!
Even some of my closest friends have been able to persuade themselves that they just might be gay. Then they try to use me as some sort of drunken experiment.. Again, i'm not complaining, but it's a bit strange when your friends, the people you don't ever think about kissing EVER, start coming at you from all angles.
What does this mean? Could it just be that girls question their sexuality more easier than most men? Or is it just that all girls are gay at heart?
I'm going to hope for the the best and suggest that the latter of the questions is correct.
It would make the world a better place.
Ladies, come clean.

Pridepridepride.

These past 2 weeks have been amazing. We've had a free house every night; alcohol & weed taking over our systems; truth or dare more times than you could imagine; the police harrassing us more than they ever should; people deciding they're gay, when they blatently know they aren't. Anyway, all i'm trying to say is, it's been a messy one. Even messier than the girl from lady Gaga's - Dancing in the dark.
I've decided, i'm on a alcohol free 2 weeks (i don't know if it's an achievable goal, but i'll try my best) until Pride comes along & sweeps me off my feet. It's probably going to be one of my last events before i go to Uni 'cause i'm gonna be completely skint after it, but then again, i could just be an utter knob & open up another overdraft. :)

Manchester pride tickets are purchased.
My house will be freeee.
My palms will be crossed with silver.
My body will be highly intoxicated.
My Lungs & Liver will be getting abused.
My friends will be carrying me home.
& i can't actually wait for it. <3